COME ON MAN!!

When you commit a crime, being discreet is key. Not for this woman in Topeka, Kansas, who wore the flashiest tracksuit she could find to rob a convenience store last week. Tihesia Birdlong, clad in bright blue and yellow, brandished a screwdriver and demanded money from a clerk on St. Patrick’s Day. Surveillance caught the 26-year-old leaving the store in the easy-to-spot get-up and she was later nabbed while watching the St. Paddy's Day parade on a street downtown. Maybe she should’ve changed into something green…

DUDE IN OHIO BANNED FROM PUBLIC JOHNS BECAUSE OF HIS DRINKING PROBLEM? YEAH, KEEP READING

Gross alert ... An Ohio man's drinking problem has earned him 30 days in jail -- and it has nothing to do with liquor. Alan David Patton will have to do hard time, followed by a run of house arrest, because he can't kick the habit of collecting urine from public bathrooms in order to drink it. Patton is barred from public facilities for a full five years! 

DRUNK POSTING ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER? THERE’S AN APP TO ERASE THAT!

There's a new app out there that might just save you some embarrassment and trouble if you spent the night getting drunk and letting the world know about it. Last Night Never Happened is being called "the morning after app." It cleans up your Twitter and Facebook accounts, removing everything you might have posted over the past few hours, making all those embarrassing comments disappear! 

NEW CAR SEAT GUIDLEINES ARE OUT

New car seat guidelines were released yesterday. According to update advice from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, children should ride in rear-facing car seats until they are two years old, instead of one. Both organizations – in separate but consistent reports – also said that older children who’ve outgrown front-facing car seats should ride in booster seats until the car’s seatbelt fits them properly. Also recommended is that children younger than 13 should ride in the back seat. The new guidelines are based on evidence from crashes. According to data, one-year-olds are five times less likely to be injured in a crash if they are in a rear-facing car seat than a forward-facing seat. And poorly fitting seat belts on older children can cause abdominal and spine injuries in a crash. 

FORMER SUMO WRESTLER RUNS RECORD FOR FINISHING THE L.A. MARATHON! WHO SAID FAT PEOPLE ARE LAZY?

Kelly Gneiting, a 400-pound former sumo wrestler, set a Guinness World Record as the heaviest man to complete a marathon, after finishing the L.A. Marathon on Sunday in 9 hours 48 minutes. He weighed 396 pounds after the marathon, smashing the past world record of 275 pounds and beating his 2008 marathon time of 11:52. "I'd like to see the Kenyan improve his marathon time by two hours," he joked. Gneiting jogged the first eight miles and walked the final 18, saying afterward that he lost track of where he was after mile 10 because he felt delirious.

AMERICA’S FIRST FACE TRANSPLANT A SUCCESS! FACE OFF!

Doctors of hopeful that the first full-face transplant in the U.S. will give hope to battle-scarred veterans of the Iraq and Afghan wars. The ground-breaking surgery was performed last week at Brigham and Women's Hospital on a Texas man who was left deformed by a high-voltage power-line accident. Dallas Wiens, of Fort Worth, survived more than 15 hours of surgery by a team of doctors who attached an anonymous donor's nose, lips and skin to his facial muscles and nerves. The Department of Defense financed the surgery in hopes that it will help future disfigured soldiers. The first full-facial transplant in the world was performed last year in Spain.

WORKS RESUMES ON THE JAPANESE REACTOR DESPITE SMOKE

Gray smoke poured from two nuclear reactor units in Japan yesterday, temporarily halting work to stabilize the damaged Fukushima Dai-ichi complex. The cause of the smoke from Units 2 and 3 is still under investigation. Since the March 11 earthquake and tsunami crippled the plant’s cooling systems, both reactors have overheated and seen explosions. Workers have been frantically trying to reconnect power lines and restore cooling systems to bring the plant under control. Trace amounts of radiation have already been detected in certain vegetables and some water supplies.